MY FATHER HAD A DREAM TOO

The proverb, “God could not be everywhere so He created mother” is one of my favorite. A mother’s love is virtually impossible to be described, for nothing can come close to the love that a mother has for her children.

It is a fact that there is No Substitute for the love and care of a mother in this world. However, the ordeals a responsible father from a middle class Indian family undergoes cannot be ignored.

Here is a heart touching poem written by my colleague Mr. Henthai Phom, which rekindled my memories of all the pains my father and mother had to undergo to make me what I am today. I hope this poem will inspire and touch you all in the same way it touched me.

MY FATHER HAD A DREAM TOO

I was born on a cold January night

When I could perceive things

I saw my father building his house

Taking all care; collecting all materials

Laying brick by brick, cementing them

And there stood what we call’d HOME

Then he bought his old car

He loved it. Rode it on Sundays

Drove us to school; rode us to fields

He loved servicing it

It was a part of him!

I went to school

Learned A B C’s

He was happy when I could spell ‘DADDY’

He started dreaming dreams about me

He no longer dreamt of building house-

And buying cars

I was his dream

I went to college

Started wearing jeans; he stopped buying new formals

I wore snickers: he wore slippers

My demands grew; he began to withdraw

I grew fatter; he became thinner

I became ambitious; forgot I was his dream

I got job

Married

Had children

I built my own house; bought cars

Started dreaming dreams about my children

But Alas! My father had a dream too

Perhaps he might have wanted a bigger house

Buy the latest car in fashion

Have fridge and a color TV

Watch his favorite team play football

Perhaps his own park

Perhaps his own school

Aya! Did I eat his dreams?

Did I live his dreams?

I forgot my father had a dream too

(T. Henthai  Phom)

Lessons from a Love Letter

Romance always fascinates me. Whether it is in real life or a story, I am a lover of true love.  Here is a love letter written by a student of class 6 to his Ex. Girlfriend from the same class (Real incident).

 “Please accept love and best regards from the deepest core of my heart. Here I am longing to meet you. I hope and pray that one day we will surely meet. Wish you all the best for everything you do in life. I hope you have done well in your exam. Take care and keep smiling- X.B.F”

What do you feel about this letter? Certainly, you all will feel differently about it. One may have read it with appreciation, another with anguish etc. However, I do not wish to go in to the negative aspects of this incident at this juncture. I hope highlighting of few lessons that we could learn from the writings of an 11 year old boy would be more appropriate at this moment.

It is a common practice among adults to involve in mudslinging when relationships go sour. Even courts become battle fields in divorce cases for many couples and they seldom think about the innocent children who bear the brunt of the conflicts. But it is amazing to see that not a single word of hatred is expressed by the young boy. In fact he happily extends his best wishes to the girl for whatever she does in her future life.

I am happy to see his positive attitude and outlook towards life. Even though he became her ‘Ex-Boy Friend’, he still looks forward to meet her someday. Most of us, matured adults, have lost the positive attitude that the boy possesses in the murky sea of egoism. What a wonderful world it would be if we could shed the heavy ego we carry on our shoulder and have positive and cheerful attitude in our life?

The child who wrote this letter studies in a school where most of the students come from socially, economically and educationally backward families. The general academic performance of these students is average and below average. But I am surprised by the beauty and simplicity of the language used by the young boy in expressing his feelings to his beloved. This clearly shows that every child can perform well if they are properly motivated, and it is our duty to motivate them to learn the academic subjects with interest and curiosity.

It’s My Life Not Yours!

Few months back an engineer from Tamilnadu went missing and his dead body was later found near a bush in a riverside. His wife of five months, a final year M.B.B.S student, whom he married against the wishes of her parents’, lodged a complaint against her family sensing a foul play. After a week, the police arrested her father and brother with enough evidence, to which they eventually confessed. One can imagine the plight of the poor girl who lost her loving husband within 5 months of married life and now testifying against her own father and brother.

In those days, most of the people stayed in their own village and served in nearby localities. So, the character of a person was well known to everyone. But in today’s modern life, the system of arranged marriage seems to be odd and innumerable couples are living fake lives for the sake of others. I am unable to comprehend why do parents insist that their children have no right to marry a person of their choice? Don’t they have faith in the choice of their children?

In an arranged marriage, one might luckily get a likeminded partner but that's not the case in every arranged marriage. Many times people end up with partners who are a total contradiction to their expectations, and thereby resulting in a superficial relationship or failed marriages. And in such cases one can only imagine the horror of sharing a life with a complete stranger and feel the pangs of a broken marriage, a broken family...and the innocent lives that it shatters.

Every individual must have the liberty to choose his/her own partner; after all, it is the individual who will spend the rest of his/her life with the person he/she chooses. Life is too short to mess it up with a wrong partner as one cannot go for trial and error method in marriages.

What is your Aim in Life?

One day one of my colleagues asked my 11 year old son what his aim in life is. He just stared back at her without answering. So she asked again, “What do you want to become in life?”  He answered politely, “I have not yet decided.”  She smiled and advised him that he should decide it. When we came out he told me, “Daddy sometimes I think that I want to become a teacher like you. When I see an aeroplane, I feel that I should become an aeronautical engineer. When I study about the Universe, I feel that I should become a space scientist. So how can I decide about my career now?”

I told him, “You need not take any such decision right now. Enjoy your school life and study well. But whatever you study, understand the concepts well and never go for memorising without understanding. When you come to class 9 or 10, you will identify your field of interest. From that moment you can start preparing for realising your ambition.” At this point he asked me, “Daddy what do you want me to become?” I told him that I wish him to become an IAS officer. He has not assured me anything and that made me happy. Because,  he is not in hurry to decide about his ambitions before identifying his field of interest.  

Every parent wants their children to become a successful citizen in the society.  So naturally we want them to study the most demanded courses. But how can we impose our unattained ambitions on them against their wish? They are going to live their own life, so they must decide about it. We can only guide them to explore the various options available to them.

From the Heart of a Teacher

(Extract of the speech delivered on the occasion of Teachers Day Celebration at Salt Christian College of Teacher Education, Dimapur, Nagaland)  

India has produced many great teachers. One of them was Dr. S. Radhakrishnan. By celebrating his birth day as Teachers Day, teachers throughout our country get honoured today. Of course, every one of us may not be a teacher like Dr. S.Radhakrishnan but certainly this day makes us to feel that we must also follow the footsteps of the great teachers of our country.

Teaching profession was once considered as a profession for those who do not get any other job. But today, the situation has changed a lot. Teachers are not only respected in the community but also well paid by the Govt. and many private institutions.

It is true that majority of our teachers in the private sector are underpaid and work under tough conditions. But fortunately this has not prevented most of them from rendering dedicated service to the student community. On this Teachers Day, I particularly salute all those teachers who contribute their best to the children in spite of the hardships they face at the hands of the managements.              

Dear friends, we teachers can certainly change the society through our dedication. But such changes cannot be brought overnight. Recently, we came across the agitation lead by Anna against corruption. We may be able to bring a strong Lokpal but it alone cannot bring drastic changes in the system. The most important thing we need to do is to change the mindset of the people. Such a change can be brought easily by the teachers.

When we bring changes in the mind of the young children, it will gradually change the outlook of the entire community. Here, we have nearly 200 Teacher Trainees. If each of you brings changes in the mind of few students of your class every year, then those few students will spread the light to the remaining world.

For this you need not change into another Mahadma Gandhi or Dr. Radhakrishnan.  All you have to do is Love your students from the depth of your heart and teach with dedication. When you teach with real love and dedication, your teaching will exhibit qualities and dimensions that are not taught in any training institute.

In this occasion, I would like to share an incident from my own life with you. Few months back, one of my former students, who is serving as an executive in a reputed multinational company had sent me a message through a social network. He has said, “Sir, you are the best teacher I had in my life.” His words made me to make critical introspection of my today’s work. When I taught him I was not experienced as I am today. But with 20 years of teaching experience in my hands, I may not get such an appreciation from my present students.

Due to some unavoidable circumstances, I have shifted my family to my home town in the year 2006. From that year onwards, I am unable to strike a perfect balance between my personal life and professional life. Even though I love all my students as I did earlier, gradually my dedication has come down. I frankly admit that I realise lot of differences in the relationship I have with my present students.

I am sharing my short comings with you because I want you to realise that the most important thing a teacher should have is Dedication. If you have the qualities of Love and Dedication with you, then all the other qualities required for a good teacher will easily be in your possession.

I really regret for my short comings and I pray in this auspicious day that the Almighty bless all of us with the strength to re- dedicate our self to the cause of education.

Let Her Have a Life of Her Own

A spiritual guru when explaining  about married life said that the affairs between a husband and wife starts from physical  pleasure and excitement, then  change in to affectionate love and finally  reach the stage of undominating friendship.

 But many married couples do not even reach the second stage described above. They become insensitive like machines after the initial excitement is over. For some unfortunate people life is like that of a football. A football cannot roll on its own but has to go the directions of the kicks by various feet. In the life game these unfortunate ones are kicked around and manipulated by people around them instead of letting them mature and take decisions of their own.

Recently I heard about one of my nephews and his wife whose life is jeopardised due to the immature approaches of the couple and the unnecessary interference of in- laws from both sides. My nephew is serving as a teacher in one of India’s most reputed public school and his wife is an engineering graduate. Just after 5 years of married life and with a son of 4 years, they are now entangled in a legal battle. They are separated for the last three months and he has filed a case in a court asking to direct her to live with him.

On hearing about their problem, I took the liberty of calling him immediately. I have little more right on my nephew as he was also my student. He narrated a list of complaints against her that forced him to seek the help of a Court. Then I contacted his wife, his father-in law, and his parents. His wife and father –in-law narrated a list of complaints against him and his parents. His father told that it is all due to ego problem and requested me to help them to solve the issues.     

From the conversations with all of them I understood that basically they do not have any complicated issues between them. Most of their complaints are over trivial matters and could have been solved easily had they got some proper counselling from the elders. Unfortunately the problems were magnified by the family members.

I took the pain of talking to the couple separately for hours in three days and both of them were listening to my advice. He even agreed to withdraw the case from the Court. They were willing to forget their differences and get re-united.

All of a sudden came a shock in the form of her father’s ego. He has stopped his daughter from all communications. He wants his son- in -law to go to his home and talk to them in the presence of their lawyer. He doesn’t like my involvement in the matter as he feels that I am taking side with his son-in –law. The poor girl told me sadly “Brother, please do not get involved in this matter. My father might insult you badly”. I was so depressed and told her that I am not worried about her father’s action. But if she too doesn’t like my involvement, then I will not interfere any more. She replied that she has to obey her father as she is now staying with them. I told her with sympathy that it is her life and she should decide about her course of action. I also cautioned her that let it be Not too late to have a life of her own.

They are getting ready to fight in the court. But I am unable to explain how I feel for the 4 year old child who is deprived of his father’s love and care.