A spiritual guru when explaining about married life said that the affairs between a husband and wife starts from physical pleasure and excitement, then change in to affectionate love and finally reach the stage of undominating friendship.
But many married couples do not even reach the second stage described above. They become insensitive like machines after the initial excitement is over. For some unfortunate people life is like that of a football. A football cannot roll on its own but has to go the directions of the kicks by various feet. In the life game these unfortunate ones are kicked around and manipulated by people around them instead of letting them mature and take decisions of their own.
Recently I heard about one of my nephews and his wife whose life is jeopardised due to the immature approaches of the couple and the unnecessary interference of in- laws from both sides. My nephew is serving as a teacher in one of India’s most reputed public school and his wife is an engineering graduate. Just after 5 years of married life and with a son of 4 years, they are now entangled in a legal battle. They are separated for the last three months and he has filed a case in a court asking to direct her to live with him.
On hearing about their problem, I took the liberty of calling him immediately. I have little more right on my nephew as he was also my student. He narrated a list of complaints against her that forced him to seek the help of a Court. Then I contacted his wife, his father-in law, and his parents. His wife and father –in-law narrated a list of complaints against him and his parents. His father told that it is all due to ego problem and requested me to help them to solve the issues.
From the conversations with all of them I understood that basically they do not have any complicated issues between them. Most of their complaints are over trivial matters and could have been solved easily had they got some proper counselling from the elders. Unfortunately the problems were magnified by the family members.
I took the pain of talking to the couple separately for hours in three days and both of them were listening to my advice. He even agreed to withdraw the case from the Court. They were willing to forget their differences and get re-united.
All of a sudden came a shock in the form of her father’s ego. He has stopped his daughter from all communications. He wants his son- in -law to go to his home and talk to them in the presence of their lawyer. He doesn’t like my involvement in the matter as he feels that I am taking side with his son-in –law. The poor girl told me sadly “Brother, please do not get involved in this matter. My father might insult you badly”. I was so depressed and told her that I am not worried about her father’s action. But if she too doesn’t like my involvement, then I will not interfere any more. She replied that she has to obey her father as she is now staying with them. I told her with sympathy that it is her life and she should decide about her course of action. I also cautioned her that let it be Not too late to have a life of her own.
They are getting ready to fight in the court. But I am unable to explain how I feel for the 4 year old child who is deprived of his father’s love and care.
VERY sensitive and very much prevalent problems that we humans face in today's life ...be it career wise or married life.
ReplyDeleteam so sad that the couple who are educated should decide their own life's decision but their life is being dictated by elders or in laws decision...
Who could better know than the couple themselves how about this time they take their own decision.
Wishing ,thinking and hoping that all will be settled...life is a cycle and it should be connected well and so thus the marriage too.it should be nurtured based on understanding. who doesn't have problems everyone does so does everyone should take the chance to happy life and good decision.
I am as fix as you for the 4 year old child..whose no fault had to torn between feuds and turmoil. too much to handle at this tender age.
This time also you brought up real issues that every homes goes through by one way or the other ..
Wishing the couple to solve their irreconcilable issues.marriages shouldn't be taken for granted..one decision and everything changes. Hope the couple will decide right by themselves after all its their lives and not of others or in laws or anyone. save marriage,save the child's future he needs both of the parents.
Divorces are raising and its becoming a walking truth if these things happens then life would be entangled and complicated..as they are responsible to precious lives,their generation.
Thank you for real life issues being put up.. hoping for more.
god bless. liten.
Divorce is a sad truth, i personally believe that it is better to split than to stay together, that child won't be able to be in a peaceful home anyway.
ReplyDeleteThe real problem is in the statement 'the affairs between a husband and wife starts from physical pleasure and excitement, then change in to affectionate love and finally reach the stage of undominating friendship.'
it may work for few, but it is foolish to think that every relationship works the same way. Why would you marry if there is no true intimacy?
But maybe some relationships just don't work. Because someone didn't have to courage to rebel against 'father's ego' or their own ego. Who can garantee that if they had tried to 'make it work' it would have actually worked.
I personally hope instead of 'getting back together' or 'splitting up' the couple could find what the actually want from each other.
Bytheway i found your blog from my mom's blog (Volcano of Thoughts) I helped her build that blog :)
If you have time please visit/follow my blog, would love your feedback on it.
http://ruhi-virtually-yours.blogspot.com/
Ms. Ruhi,
ReplyDeleteThank u 4 ur critical comments. The statement “the affairs between a husband and wife starts from physical pleasure and ……………….” in the article describes what is expected from a couple who wishes to lead a happy married life. Because in a true undominating friendship , there will be no ego problems, no breach of trust ,etc
Hope to interact more with ur critical thoughts.
பலர் இப்படி தான் இருக்கிறார்கள்..தங்களின் குழந்தைகளின் நிலையை என்ன மறந்துவிடுகிறார்கள்.. பேசி தீர்க்க முடியாத பிரச்சனைகள் இல்லை என்பதை உணர்வதில்லை..அந்த குழந்தைக்கு என் ஆழ்ந்த அனுதாபங்கள்..:(
ReplyDeleteதங்கள் கருத்துக்கு நன்றி. நம் எண்ணங்களை பகிர்ந்து கொள்வது சமூகத்துக்கு மிக கொஞ்சம் உதவி செய்தாலும் ரொம்ப மகிழ்ச்சியான ஒன்று..
ReplyDelete