A Loving Husband

In today’s materialistic world, life turns to be a forced venture for many married people after the initial excitements of physical pleasures gets over and love remain as a forgotten entity. But there are few couples whose union gradually leads to the union of souls and true love blooms between them forever. Recently I came across a couple who belongs to the latter category.

The gentleman is a retired government officer in his 70s and his wife in her late 60s. The old lady has been suffering from Alzheimer's disease for the last 10 years and he became her lone caregiver at an age when he himself needs to be cared by others. You may be aware of the consequences of the deadly disease which is not so common in our country.

         

People with Alzheimer's disease have memory problems and difficulties with thinking and reasoning and eventually they will not be able to care for themselves. They also may experience personality and behaviour changes. For example, they may become agitated, irritable, or very passive. Some people with Alzheimer's may wander away from home and become lost. Others may not be able to tell the difference between day and night—they may wake up, get dressed, and start to leave the house in the middle of the night thinking that the day has just started.

Due to complex changes occurring in the brain, people with Alzheimer's may see or hear things that have no basis in reality. They also may have losses that affect vision, smell, taste and other feelings. The disease gets worse as it develops and at the critical stage they become increasingly unable to take care of themselves and their life goes back to the stage of infancy with a matured body. 

These disabilities are very difficult, not only for the person with Alzheimer's, but for the family, and those taking care of them. Caring for a person with Alzheimer's at home is a challenging task. It is often overwhelming, tiring, and frustrating.  The caregivers would be subjected to undefined mental agonies while witnessing the gradual deterioration of the person they love.

One can imagine how a man of 70 years old would feel when he becomes the lone caregiver of his beloved wife suffering from Alzheimer's. But the gentleman whose only comfort is the love and support of one of his daughters never shows a bit of grudge in his face and takes care of his ailing wife with true love, devotion and patience.

 
In a time, when couples getting separated after years of relationship or even just after a year of married life become a casual affair, the inspiring life of the old gentleman urges us to introspect how seriously we love our spouses.

Ambitions: Parents Vs Children

Every year with the declaration of HSSLC and HSLC examination results, most parents spend sleepless nights worrying about choosing the right course or the most suitable schools for their children. With the ever growing competition and availability of limited seats in the most sought schools, admitting children in the course and school of their choice has become a tough job for majority of the parents. In this connection, I wish to share an incident from my life which may be of help to few of the readers.   

One day one of my colleagues asked my 11 year old son what his aim in life is. He just stared back at her without answering. So she asked again, “What do you want to become in life?”  He answered politely, “I have not yet decided.”  She smiled and advised him that he should decide it. When we came out he told me, “Daddy sometimes I think that I want to become a teacher like you. When I see an aeroplane, I feel that I should become an aeronautical engineer. When I study about the Universe, I feel that I should become a space scientist. So how can I decide about my career now?”

I told him, “You need not take any such decision right now. Enjoy your school life and study well. But whatever you study, understand the concepts well and never go for memorising without understanding. By the time you reach class 9/10, you will identify your field of interest and basing on that you can start preparing for realising your ambition.”

By the time a child completes his/her high school, they would have identified their field of interest and that should be a major factor in deciding their course of study. But unfortunately, the interest and likes of children are rarely taken in to consideration in selecting their field of study. Many children are thus forced to run blind folded in the race of life without realising the purpose of running.

Most of us have developed a misconception that medical and engineering are the only fields of study that would ensure a bright future for our children. There is no denial that these professions are the first choice for many talented people. But we must not forget that every field of study offers good scope for those who excel in whatever they study.

 

It is true that parents have the responsibility of helping children in shaping their future but at the same time, it is not wise to impose our unattained ambitions on them against their wishes. They are going to live their own life, so they must decide about it. We should only guide them to explore the various options available to them.

My Lost War Against Corruption

The initial years of service may be the days of fun for some people and of struggle for few others, but certainly un- forgetful to most. My days as a teacher in a private school in Nagaland were entirely different. Those were the days of turmoil.

After completing my post graduation in 1990, I got appointed as an Asst. Teacher in a reputed private school. Even though I was underpaid, I was happy with my work because of the abundant love I got from the children. I always believe that it was that love which brought me to my present position in life.

As a teacher, I had many shortcomings in the beginning. I had not completed B.Ed. degree at the time of joining service and had the usual drawbacks of sudden transition from student life to teacher life. I had occasional misunderstandings with few students and in fact, it was my ignorance about the problems of adolescence that created the problems and not the students. But, I really wonder how the young children showered me with so much love in spite of my shortcomings.

On the other hand, my relation with a section of the teaching staff was always strained. I had witnessed for the first time in my life how teachers involve in dirty tricks for earning money. It would practically be impossible for a student to secure average / good marks if he/she is not taking private tuition from the concerned subject teacher. Some teachers even used to humiliate students who were taking tuitions from other teachers till they surrender at their feet. I was really shocked and shattered because I had never experienced such things in my student life.

It is true that a teacher even with a small family could never survive with the paltry salary paid by the school. But I was unable to accept the means deployed by the teachers. Out of my love for the students and honesty, I had raised the issue with the highest authority of the management several times but the result was that I was branded as nuisance. Fortunately, I got a better job in 1994 and left the school before creating any trouble for my own life.

Time and experience changed me in to a man of silent observer of corruption and my highest pride till today is that I have never employed those dirty tricks with my students. Some of my former students of 1990s are now Industrialists and many are working as executives in different walks of life. I still enjoy the true love and respect of few of them without any guilt in my mind. I lost my war against corruption but the true love and respect of my students-past and present-is worth more than a thousand victories.              

A Murder and few Questions

“Class 9 student stabbed woman teacher inside the class room to death”. I was unable to react to the shocking news as the incident took place in a country where teachers were regarded next to God. I know analyzing the issues behind this incident is not an easy job as it is a multi dimensional problem. I am only sharing my views on the issue as a Teacher and a Parent and I hope my friends and readers would help to explore more by their critical comments.

The general outlook of the society has become so materialistic and humanity is slowly disappearing from the society. Our children are surrounded by an almost corrupt society and their position is in between heaven and hell. In theory we are teaching about good morals but what they experience in the real world is just opposite. They are over exposed to media which is full of violence. Most of the cinemas glorify violent heroes and the tender minds of children accept these screen heroes as their role model.

Every parent wants their children to become doctors, engineers etc and most of the Schools care only for the Academic side of the child. The concept of all round development of a child is neglected and molding of character is forgotten by both the Parents and the Schools.  Students are given pressure in many ways with the one dimensional task of securing better marks in the examinations. In order to maintain the reputation of Schools, the managements pressurize the teachers and the teachers in turn put pressure on the students.   Even though a teacher knows what he is doing is against the principles of education, he has no liberty to express his opinions to the concerned authorities.

It is true that a section of the teachers involve in unethical practices. But majority of the teachers are the victims of the greed of managements. Teachers are the least paid professionals in the private sector and no one is indispensable in private schools. In a country where the quality of education is determined by the pass percentage, most of the school managements treat the underpaid teachers like slaves and absolutely there is no job security. So the poor teachers simply obey their greedy masters. But sadly the anger of the innocent children is mostly directed towards the helpless teachers.

Many questions remain unanswered in the present murder case. The student might have not shown his arrogance all of a sudden. Was his character observed by teachers in earlier occasions? If yes, why corrective measures were not taken by the school authority? We may ask many questions. But what answer do we have to the young children of the deceased teacher?      

MY FATHER HAD A DREAM TOO

The proverb, “God could not be everywhere so He created mother” is one of my favorite. A mother’s love is virtually impossible to be described, for nothing can come close to the love that a mother has for her children.

It is a fact that there is No Substitute for the love and care of a mother in this world. However, the ordeals a responsible father from a middle class Indian family undergoes cannot be ignored.

Here is a heart touching poem written by my colleague Mr. Henthai Phom, which rekindled my memories of all the pains my father and mother had to undergo to make me what I am today. I hope this poem will inspire and touch you all in the same way it touched me.

MY FATHER HAD A DREAM TOO

I was born on a cold January night

When I could perceive things

I saw my father building his house

Taking all care; collecting all materials

Laying brick by brick, cementing them

And there stood what we call’d HOME

Then he bought his old car

He loved it. Rode it on Sundays

Drove us to school; rode us to fields

He loved servicing it

It was a part of him!

I went to school

Learned A B C’s

He was happy when I could spell ‘DADDY’

He started dreaming dreams about me

He no longer dreamt of building house-

And buying cars

I was his dream

I went to college

Started wearing jeans; he stopped buying new formals

I wore snickers: he wore slippers

My demands grew; he began to withdraw

I grew fatter; he became thinner

I became ambitious; forgot I was his dream

I got job

Married

Had children

I built my own house; bought cars

Started dreaming dreams about my children

But Alas! My father had a dream too

Perhaps he might have wanted a bigger house

Buy the latest car in fashion

Have fridge and a color TV

Watch his favorite team play football

Perhaps his own park

Perhaps his own school

Aya! Did I eat his dreams?

Did I live his dreams?

I forgot my father had a dream too

(T. Henthai  Phom)